Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Thirty

The chapter title for today is:
RELIEF

This has probably been the most difficult and rewarding day of the whole challenge.

Last night as I was falling asleep, I had a meeting with archangel Nathaniel, and received guidance to run the workshop I was invited to run in London on the 17th Feb, instead of attending the Cacao Ceremony as planned - on the same day, same time.

The guidance was very clear, and the visit with AA Nathaniel was good. He gave me clear instructions on what to do as part of the workshop, and which meditations to use, etc.

This morning I decided that I definitely didn't want to do as AA Nathaniel had suggested, even though in the Charles Virtue meditation I did yesterday I invited AA Nathaniel to direct me on my path. I decided that I absolutely must attend the Cacao Ceremony.

All day I've been battling myself about this. I felt like I was going nuts, as I always do when ignoring my guidance.

By early afternoon I felt like crawling out of my skin. I needed to move after being still for almost three days straight, so went for a walk around my park.

It was lovely, mild weather. Blue sky, a few puffy clouds. A perfect spring afternoon. I made a beeline for the snowdrop grotto, and took pics of the little white-capped pilgrims, spreading eagerly across the ground. I stood for a while soaking up the fresh spring energy around me.

Not caring what the women playing tennis in the court beside me were thinking, I stared aimlessly at the delicate white flowers surrounding my feet. I picked my way cautiously through the blossoming beauties, so I wouldn't hurt any of them with my rainbow snowboots.

As I left the park, I asked for a clear sign about what I should do on the 17th, and at that exact moment my friend, who I had called and left an answer machine message with a few days ago, to see if he fancied coming to the ceremony, returned my call.

Im still not sure what to do.

The walk in the park put me en route to vortex alignment. I went home and did a session on Just Dance (another thing I've not done for a few days), and felt even better.

Then I listened to ego, and started sorting the bills and bank papers into their new filing system. Big mistake. Took me swiftly into fear mode. Argh.

I had thought id get the same sense of satisfaction I had achieved when sorting my diaries and notebooks the other day. But unfortunately it had the opposite effect, and my mood plummeted back to darkness.

I kept reminding myself that because of the work I've been doing, my vibration is much higher, therefore I will be more aware of the subtle deviations in my relationship with my Source.

I have done well to validate myself, even through the low vibration mood. I kept up a good stream of reassurance that, although I didn't particularly believe it, it stopped me from really indulging in perfectionsm and allowing the critic free reign.

Fortunately I didn't wallow in the mire and wrote some lists about how I would like to be feeling, then meditated for a while. Something I've not done much of since starting this challenge.

In one of the Abraham audios, they say that we should only meditate for 15 mins a day, that we should be living life rather than spending ages meditating. Since I've been doing the Getting Into The Vortex meditation every morning, I haven't done any during the day. That has been another error of mine. Silent meditation is important for my connection with my angels, and ability (and willingness) to hear them.

Coming to the end of the 15 mins silent meditation, I received two numbers; 333 and 777. I receive a lot of messages via numbers, so immediately looked them up on Doreen Virtue's http://spiritlibrary.com/doreen-virtue/angel-numbers.

333: The Ascended Masters are near you, desiring you to know that you have their help, love and companionship. Call upon the Ascended Masters often, especially when you see the number 3 patterns around you. Some of the more famous Ascended Masters include: Jesus, Moses, Mary, Quan Yin and Yogananda.

777: The angels applaud you… “congratulations, you’re on a roll! Keep up the good work and know your wish is coming true.” This is an extremely positive sign and you should also expect more miracles to occur.

Needless to say, these were a very encouraging messages, and my mood began to lift again.

I committed the rest of the day to raising my vibration, and it has been SO worth it! Right now I feel awesome.

To achieve the raise in my vibration, I did the following:
Went for a walk in the park.
Got honest, and talked about not wanting to follow the guidance I received, which helped me laugh about it, and let go of the resistance.
Messaged some friends and asked how THEY were feeling. (distracted myself from my head).
Danced.
Made lists of key words and emotions I would like to feel instead.
Did some art.
Listened to lots of Abe.
Listened to lots of Jason Mraz.
Did some Positive Aspects writing.
Breathed deeply.
Drank plenty of water.
Asked the angels of the Universe for help getting closer to the proximity of my vortex.
Meditated.

Finally, I had a shower and relaxed. As Abraham says, the best part of being in the Vortex, is the part where you get in, and realise you're there. It is true deliciousness.

In fact I give thanks for every moment that I wallowed in misalignment today, because they helped me truly appreciate that deliciousness even more.

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?feature=related&v=Y5hubd-efj0

Contrast is perfect, for without it, I wouldn't know I was experiencing one thing as opposed to another. I wouldn't know to value anything, because it would all be much of a muchness. THAT is why Im here. To experience contrast and use it as the bouncing off place for my deliberate creating.

Jason Mraz in his Fabulouso song Life Is Wonderful expresses these sentiments eloquently this in this video:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kmNqFeSjDAo

Key words that will be my focus moving forward:
Fun
Fun
Fun
Transformation
Faith
Hope
Optimism
Acceptance
Abundance
Friends
Happiness
Laughter

Now that this 30 day challenge is complete; extremely intense and successful as it has been.

What next?

A few of the Abe and Jason Mraz videos that helped me get out of the funk today:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MhYhUKyPW9M&feature=related

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=75OyDahkgS4&feature=relmfu

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Sji4p5SpBjw

My Nasal Guidance System (NGS)

My Nasal Guidance System (NGS)  is something I manifested early on my journey to find happiness. Its like the SatNav or GPS in your car. A bespoke-in-built-system, constantly telling me my vibrational relationship with the Treasure: my True 'Seyi (my True Self).

The system is very simple and precise, as are all good navigation systems. And yet, I often have difficulty understanding what its telling me. Even more often than that, I think I know the best way to go, and completely ignore it. A bit like someone driving somewhere they've never been before, taking all the wrong turns, the SatNav's going nuts repeatedly asking them to take the next available u-turn, and they stubbornly get more lost.

Instead of that annoying voice in my head, my NGS is an irritating drip in my nose. Starting off with a subtle sniffle, the blockage increases in severity depending on how important the guidance is that Im ignoring/blocking, or how negative the thinking is that Im insisting on indulging in.

The sooner I take notice, the easier it is to get back into alignment. Sometimes I just cant, or don't want to hear my guidance. Sometimes I think Im going to be asked to do something I don't want to, or be guided away from doing something that I have got planned. That's when the frustration kicks in. The more frustrated I get, the further out of alignment I am.

This is old codependent behaviour, based on thinking I need to be in control of my life. Thinking I know best, and ego thinking its my higher power. Not trusting that I have a Higher Power Who is always lovingly taking care of me. Not trusting that Source has ALWAYS got my back.

In December 2007, having recently been introduced to The Secret and the teachings of Abraham, I started looking at the contents of my thoughts. Finding them chronically and predominantly negative, I asked the Universe for clear indicators of when I was lost in thought. I didn't specify how that should present itself. A friend of mine at the time did the same, and a vehicle with a siren blasting would drive past to wake her out of her negative revelry. 

After a time, I noticed I was getting colds more frequently than usual. With extensive observation, I realised that anytime I wasn't aware, my nose would get blocked up. As soon as I focused on what I was thinking, the blockage would clear.

Some time later, when Id stopped smoking weed, my mind began clearing, and I started actively working with my angels. I began receiving guidance from them. This guidance comes to me in many ways, predominantly as gentle thoughts and knowingness. I am extremely clairesentient, and when I don't acknowledge my emotions, my body talks to me through various aches and pains. Louise Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life is a good friend of mine.  
It soon became apparent that not only would my nose run if I was thinking negatively, but also if I wasn't listening to my guidance.

Although it is a useful system, I find it frustrating. I still struggle accepting it. Even though I asked for it!

I get guidance on every aspect of my day to day life, from what to wear, to where to go and who to talk to. Even what to say.

A Course In Miracles prayer:
"What would You have me do? Where would You have me go? What would You have me say? And to whom?"

That is my prayer since studying the Course, and I always receive the answers. I don't always like them, and often don't want to follow the guidance, but I always receive the answers.

Every so often I go through a period of fine tuning, when my NGS is tuned into closer alignment with True 'Seyi. I usually get ill leading up to the tuning. I struggle so much, and resist my NGS, always thinking I should be doing something. My angels have to stop me in my tracks, so I can go through these changes in a restful state.

I hear my guidance best when I am still.

Im undergoing some fine tuning at the moment. And have been ill for a few days. Its very uncomfortable, however, I am truly thankful for it, because its what I asked for.

I am being fine tuned into closer alignment with True 'Seyi (my True Self). I want to be aligned with True 'Seyi. I want that more than anything else.

When I think thoughts that are even subtly out of whack with what True 'Seyi would think, I receive an immediate notification.
Its like a town crier saying:
Listen
Listen
Listen
Change your thinking. You are a powerful manifestor. You are attracting things that are filling in grids you won't want.
If you think this nose blockage is annoying, just think how annoyed you'll be when you manifest stuff you don't like. 

The more important the guidance, or the further away my thoughts are from what True 'Seyi would think, the more persistent the discomfort and runny my nose gets.

At first, when I still believed in external "evil" things being able to affect me, I thought I was constantly under "spiritual attack." Or I thought it was punishment.

Now that I am understanding what its about, and what to do about it, I am committing to feeling appreciation for such a clear and accurate guidance system. One that is so persistent that I have to take notice. If I don't, I get ill. Not because something external is making me ill, but because the chronic ignoring of emotions creates energy blocks. And that creates physical dis-ease.

I am looking forward to discussing this with Abraham when I get in the Hot Seat.

"Nothing is more important than that I feel good right now." - Abe

In order to release the blockage I sit still and ask for clarity. Sometimes I need to do some affirmations to change the negative thinking, sometimes I just breathe and have a drink of water. Im still learning what to do, and how to read my NGS.

With each fine tuning it changes, so I am going to do it differently this time and sit with my angels tomorrow. Im going to ask them to teach me how to use it properly and what to do.

I listened to a brilliant Charles Virtue session today, and it has reminded me that I have so much help out there, that I need to use to make my life easier and flow as it should.

I give thanks for, and appreciate my NGS and would love to hear about how you are guided and how you know when you're not listening. And more importantly, how you know when you are xxx

Clearing Clutter For Clarity

One of the Abraham processes in Ask And It Is Given, called Clearing Clutter For Clarity, is to buy a load of boxes, and sort out everything in your house. 

I have a very clear and clutter free home, having gotten rid of most un-necessary things when I was homeless a few years ago. I enjoy the freedom of living in a space with minimal items.

I've never felt like I needed to use this process in this house. Apart from one area. da da duunnn: the upstairs cupboard.

Having kept diaries and journals all of my life, they are some of the few items I held onto during these transformation years. I have accumulated i good number of them. I have been documenting the adventures I've had on this happiness treasure hunt; often with explicit detail, in preparation for writing my books.

I also have novels, and self-help books and children's books that I've read. And guess where they've all been shoved.

That's right. The upstairs cupboard.

I love Homebargains (a shop on the high st that sells all sorts of homely items, for very reasonable prices - hence the apt name) because it always has exactly what I need. And a lot of the items it offers are really rather pretty.

Just before Christmas I was delighted to discover that they stocked a set of two-in-a-pack boxes for just £2.49. One set is a dark pink with multi -coloured paisley patterning and the other is mostly blue with pretty roses, and blossoms and a bird cage on them. I have been buying a two-pack every now and then, and putting them aside.

Last week I bought the final amount of packs I would need, and yesterday emptied out the cupboard and sorted all the papers, diaries and notepads into dated and labelled boxes.

Knowing exactly where my papers and notebooks are for each year is contentfully comforting. 

While writing about this process, I  realised that since getting this blockage, I have been praying for clarity. I didn't know that by doing this process yesterday I was clearing physical clutter for clarity.
Today, I have felt much better. There has been a definite improvement from how I felt yesterday.

As with all Abraham processes, they always hit the vibrational spots. They go where the essence of the need can be met, rather than the obvious need.

Thanks for another gudun Abe.

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Twenty Eight

With only 3 days of this challenge left, I am going to document my progress as fully as possible, And share it with you. I write how I think, and talk, so if my writing jumps to different places: welcome to my mind. 

If today were a chapter in my book, it would be entitled: LEARNING TO ACCEPT.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, the first thought I had created massive resistance, which put my NGS into over drive. The thought was so unconscious, I still havent figured out what it was.

That's not entirely true. My friend sent me a link to the Archangel Nathaniel find your life purpose meditation, which I had listened to the night before. In the morning I think I got some guidance about the workshops Im developing that I didn't like, so I blocked it. And don't want to hear it or acknowledge it.

Ever since, I have been SO irritated with myself for not wanting to know the guidance I am (still) resisting, and the resistance has been SO persistent, that I have manifested a physical illness. I am now "out of whack," with a blocked, runny nose, and there are achey parts of my body.

According to Louise Hay, sinus issues indicate irritation with someone close. Accurate as always, as I have been very irritated with myself. Cant get much closer than that!

One positive outcome of this illness, is that I have become aware of how much I push against manifestations I dislike. Rather than authenticly accepting how Im feeling, I still have a codependent compulsion to deny what Im feeling and push it away. That is not how to work the Abraham way.
Abraham suggests we identify our emotions, accept them; and using the games and processes on offer, move up the emotional scale into alignment with our True Self.

For the 28 days of this challenge so far I have been learning how to accept my emotions, and to be easy with myself until I get the hang of it.  

For the last couple of days of this challenge I will be staying in my house, being still. I need to be still so I can easier connect with True 'Seyi, I hear my guidance better when Im still.

I realised yesterday that Im being fine tuned to my True 'Seyi. See my post on my NGS.

Today I thankfully realised that although I am physically ill, I can still get in my vortex and bask a little while. Until my self pity kicks in and gets me chucked out. 

It has been a much needed, gentle day today, after the baby-nephew-looking-after-sleep-deprivation-and-out-of-alignment-induced fainting episode I had the night before last. 

Today, rather than reading or trying to write my workshop material when its not time, I took it easy and covered the plain files I got from Homebargains with some pretty vintage floral paper. They are the basis for the new and improved filing system I am implementing for bank letters etc.

EVIDENCE
°Yesterday there was a quote on the Google site that said:
"Your idea might just change the world."
° I organically went into a Creative Workshop last night, and wrote about the beautiful workshops I am developing, and really felt the passion, and excitement I lost when I was trying to force them to happen before the right time. 
°Rebekah Shaman is holding a Cacao Ceremony on Feb 17th, which is about opening the Heart Chakra. When I received her email about it I thought id like to go and if I was meant to go id receive the money to pay for it soon. My mom came over today, and gave me the exact amount I need.
° My NGS is being fine tuned and I am becoming even closer aligned to my True 'Seyi because of this 30 day challenge. My True 'Seyi is kicking in on a very subtle level, the moment I become mis-aligned.
° I listened to a brilliant Abe session reminding me that I don't need to do the workshops to prove my self to anyone else. I am developing them because I want to help people. Not to say "oooh look at me. Look at how well Im doing. Validate me." which is something ego had kicked in with.

I will finish todays rather disjointed offering, with a quote from Marilyn Monroe, who I love. One of my sisters says that I remind her her. Obviously not looks-wise. We couldn't be much more different. She didn't explain why, she just said there was something about me that reminded her of Marilyn Monroe. I take it as a compliment.
Even though she was so devastatingly Codependent, which in the end is what took her life. Thinking about that reminds me of how blessed I was to find out about codependency and find ways to recover from it.

Marilyn was very self aware, and knew what she wanted. Her attraction was that she maintained her innocence. She was special, and she never knew just how much. That's what drew me to her, and probably what my sister means about me.

My journey of the last 4-5 years has been about finding out how special I am.

To me.

This quote I received as my daily message from Gabby Bernsteins Spirit Junkie group sums up the Abraham teachings I listened to today. It sums up my day. 

"Dreaming about being an actress, is more exciting then being one."
-Marilyn Monroe

Videos that resonanted today:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=--Y8zuu-V28&feature=related

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=ypCzn5Wjz_o

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwrel&v=QLZuYUDHy9M

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=VbRWWdLAFH0

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Twenty Six

Today has been super tough! When I woke up, the first thing I thought created a huge block of resistance which I have been unable release. I don't know what I thought about, but it must have been pretty important.

I always know when Im resisting my alignment with Source, because my right nostril gets blocked up. I periodically go through a fine tuning of this system, which is challenging in itself. After the fine tuning, I incrementally more sensitive to ever slighter variances in my relationship to my vortex.

I often find the blockage very annoying, and get extremely frustrated with it and myself when I cant understand what the resistance is about. Acceptance is something Im working on. In many areas.

Sometimes Im resisting guidance, sometimes the thoughts Im thinking are out of line with what  True 'Seyi would think about someone, something, or the situation at hand.

The blockage won't shift,It is frustrating the arse off me! I have wanted to scream, because I've been blocked up all day.

I have been confused about what Im meant to do, where Im meant to go.

I promised myself that during these 30 days I wouldn't do anything unless I clearly knew what I was being guided, but today, I thought several times I was being guided to do one thing, which changed, to the opposite. Which often happens, as other unseen components change.

But today. Boy oh boy. Its been tough. Its like I just cant hear/know what Im being asked to do, or what Im feeling about things.

Even though I was so blocked up, I was still able to recognise a few jewels (evidence that the Universe was on my side) today:

I found a fiver in my purse that id put aside for lunch today, and had forgotten about it. I hadn't needed it because I hadn't done what I thought I was going to do. I treated myself to some Delumptuous 'Bliss' incense sticks from my favourite shop, Love Light and Presence, and a Sunstone crystal. When I picked it up I knew the Sunstone felt right, but it wasn't until I read about its  properties that I understood why id been drawn to it. I should have know, considering one of my ascended masters this lunar cycle is Apollo. 

This awesome website gives  fantastic detail on the properties of the Sunstone:
http://www.crystalvaults.com/pages/crystal_encyclopedia/sunstone.php

When I was out and about I saw loads of little white feathers. I felt my angels going ahead of me. Helping me. Even though I was struggling to hear them guiding me. On the way to my sisters house, I looked up into a car window, and there was a beautiful air conditioning circle with a dove on it. And I saw some real doves hanging with the pigeons while I was out shopping.

In the ACIM the dove represents the Holy Spirit.

So, although its been a tough day, and I've been hard on myself. Beating myself up because I cant hear my guidance. Fretting because I may have missed an opportunity to network this morning.

I will start again tomorrow. I can commit to being loving and gentle with myself from this moment on. I can try again in each moment. In each moment I am born again.

Something strange happened at about half three in the morning. I hadn't managed to shift the resistance, which had become more intense the more frustrated with it I became.

Even though I was exhausted, I had offered to have my delicious pudding of a nephew for the night. My sister looked more exhausted than me, and the boon is I get to give him back...

He awoke at about half three, so i went to fetch him from the spare room. I was halfway to my bedroom door, and the next thing I was lying on the floor holding my head in agony. I had fainted. I never faint.

I believe that I was SO out of alignment that I fainted. It was nuts. I lay there for a while giving thanks that I hadn't been carrying my nephew at the time, and once id settled him back to sleep, I Googled "Releasing Blockage."

Best thing I could have done.

I had previously been told about the spiritual/psychological practice called Focusing, but hadn't looked into it very much. I think the first site I came across when I Googled "Releasing Blockage" was a site about focusing. I don't know much about it still, apart from it seems like a very effective way to connect with what's going on in your body, and identify the emotions that are being blocked. And by a method of internal investigation, accept and release the blocks.

You have to do it with a partner. It is something I am going to look into further. Link to the website I found is below. There are some free resources and Sessions recorded. One of which I did, and found it helped a bit. Maybe this will help you too.

http://www.focusingresources.com/articles/releaseblocks.html

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Twenty Five

The final week of this transformational 30 day challenge, and things are very interesting. Although, the frustration I feel when I cant hear my guidance easily is rising.

In an audio I recently listened to, Abraham reassured me that it is normal when doing this work for issues to come to the surface.  Since hearing that, I have been able to take it easy on myself, and not get so worried that Im sabotaging.

As much as I love the Abraham processes, I am still using other tools to help me process the emotions Im experiencing - something I find difficult to do, since I spent most of my life hiding from my feelings by numbing out with drink, drugs and other "fixes".

Combining ingredients really works for me. Writing lists of positive aspects, finding better feeling thoughts, and listening to the guided meditation Getting In The Vortex cd really help me when I know clearly what Im feeling.

In addition, I am hitting the EFT with Cathryn Taylor every day, and talking about what Im feeling with trusted friends.

Talking about stuff for a short period helps me:
A: chew over what's going on and get some perspective on it
B: ensure Im not isolating
C: process the emotional energy, which helps me connect with how Im really feeling about a situation

Today I am feeling good.

Everything just keeps working out for me.

The Universe is lining up some fabulous cooperative components.
I am recognising when a grid fills in, and celebrating, even when its not wanted. (or at least accepting if I cant celebrate).

I feel calmer about money. Whether its making decisions about spending, or when I get an unexpected bill letter (which I did today). I just know everything is fine.

I know that the Universe, my True 'Seyi and Source Energy has got my back, and all I have to do is find a way to feel a little bit better, and the good grids start filling in.

And I feel them.

I came here to expand, grow; to remember Who I really Am, and  allow that to be Who I show to the "peanut gallery".

Today has been a good day.

Thanks Abraham, God and all my goddesses and ascended masters for going ahead of me and perfecting every situation.

My visit to the dentist was easy, with no injections. My appt before that was quick and easy. I had more than enough money for what I wanted and needed. People smiled at me for no reason. I watched a small child laugh with his mom. I had a wonderful meeting of minds with a friend this evening, and we'll be going ice skating soon.

Its been a good day.

Life is good when I live it like this. Life is meant to flow, and be good every day, all day.

I love where I am. And I am eager for what is on the way.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kPfE7zdLHkU&feature=related

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3Yv6JeQKXCs&feature=related

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=dgfE-yz0OnI

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day 22

I thought today was day 23, Im actually on day 22, and am in hardcore healing. Which, in reality, is realignment (rather than healing, because my True Self needs no healing) with my True 'Seyi, my natural state of Well-Being. 

Exhausted from having looked after my baby nephew since yesterday evening. My youngest sister is moving house this weekend, so I offered to take care of the little one last night. I love him so much. 

I have my Full Moonday tomorrow, so couldn't have him for the whole weekend, although i would have loved to. He is a truly delicious child, yet it is soooo nice to be able to give him back. Im not used to being continuously responsible for someone else anymore. Its tiring.

My children are 17 and almost 21 now. So I haven't had little ones in my care much for a long time. Apart from my six year old niece, whom I adore, but didn't take care of much when she was little.

Having to take care of siblings, and having too many none age appropriate responsibilities was a major contributer to my ensuing codependency. Thanks to the work I've done over the last 4 years, I releasing my desire to care-take and getting validation from being needed.

However, in putting my boundaries in place and not having baby Kiro for another night (even though I wasn't asked to) I felt guilty, as though I wasn't doing enough. I know this was just my codependency. And as my ex sponsor used to say:
I am one of many.

Tomorrow I shall focus especially on releasing the Codependent behaviour of putting others needs ahead of my own, and the dysfunctional belief that I won't be loved if I don't make myself unlimitedly available.

Because of this dysfunctional thinking adding to the exhaustion of looking after a 6 month old baba, today has been rather challenging. Added to which I have continued processing the childhood emotions that have been rearing up recently. 

That being said, Im glad to report that Im back on track with the 30 day challenge. Things got pretty hairy for a while. A few tough and emotional days made me consider jacking in the challenge. Im glad I am so persevering.

I've listened to plenty of Abe, done some powerful Cathryn Taylor EFT sessions on the grieving process: anxiety and despair; continued with the general processes of this 30 day challenge and I have come through the other side, even more committed than before.

And when I get in it, I have really been milking my vortex for all it's worth. 

After writing lots of lists of Positive Aspects, drinking Lot on water, and documenting the evidence of manifestations, I am feeling great. Excited about the transformation Im experiencing, and eager for the outcome at the end of the 30 days, whatever that may  be the outcome.

I mostly write this on my phone, as I don't have the internet at home. Suddenly. About an hour ago, the phone stopped letting me write.

I get REALLY angry when things don't work. Especially technology.

I had a good bash (thumping something helps me release anger, I usually hit my bed or some pillows) at my bed, and cried. Then left it, without throwing my phone across the room this time, and got on with a some homecare tasks I wanted to do before I chillax on Moonday tomorrow.

When I finished, I washed my face, and did the 3 minute mirror process. While loving myself in the mirror, I went into my vortex. And basked in it for ages. Im still on the periphery as I write this.

When I realise Im in my vortex, I get to work: focusing on all the faboo stuff in there. I really feel my wealth, my perfect body, my relationships, my husband, my family as they are in my vortex. I observe everything through my Pollyanna vortex glasses. Lush.

I love this 30 day challenge. The feeling of relief of getting into it, is SO worth the contrast of when Im not in the vortex.

Its like coming home after a long cold day. The heating is on, and the sun is shining through the window. Someone you love comes and gives you a hug and a hot drink, then space to relax.

I love my vortex.  

Moonday tomorrow. Sleep, meditation, letting go and fasting are the order of the day, maybe not in that order. And of course I shall update my lunar book, and read the new lunarscope from Rebekah Shaman.

Some videos I've enjoyed or that have helped:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xyD-KnlZPAk

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xyD-KnlZPAk#/watch?feature=related&v=SBOtj1RmaUE

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P_6aq-bJT58&feature=relmfu

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Twenty

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back--Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

My beautiful friend sent that quote to me, on a day when it couldn't be more apt or more challenging. It's one I have read somewhere before, although neither of us could recall who it's by.

I found the message challenging, because I have been in fear: self-sabotage mode for a few days. Thankfully, Im back on track after spending  Thursday (day 20) nurturing myself and being still.

I received some information on Tuesday which deeply triggered my inner child. However, because it often takes me a while to process information, and to connect with how I actually feel about things, I have been afraid that I had sabotaged the career grids I was building.

However, I listened to several Abraham sessions reminding me that I can never fork up so badly its irreparable. I simply focus on releasing resistance to connect with my True Self/my Higher Power/God.

I know all of my What Is Wanted grids can be easily reactivated. (The grids Im talking about are the ones activated by 17 seconds of thought, which activate the Law of Attraction). And am taking some time out to focus on other things until I re-sync with my workshop grids.

Im finishing off this post early in the morning of day twenty two, after having some seriously emotional revelations about what has been going on for me, and the vibrations needing to be healed in me.

One of my favourite ACIM lessons is that I am never upset for the reason I think. The past few days, mixed bag of experiences and emotions, all overshadowed by underlying anxiety, have shown me just how true a statement that is.

I've decided not to write about the specifics of the issue at this point. At first I thought I had made a mistake about how I was approaching the workshops. Or that I wasn't meant to do them. Or that I didn't want to do them.

Upon further investigation and a natural epiphany while playing, I realised that I have been given a MAJOR opportunity to heal some deep, lifelong wounds.

In an Abraham audio, they say that we don't need to delve into our past to heal old wounds. Life will offer situations giving us opportunities to work on raising the vibration of every, single, thing we've ever experienced. In doing so, in 30 days, our lives will be transformed.

It seems this is exactly what is happening since I committed to undertake this 30 day challenge.

All I can say is:
WOW

Some videos I found interesting/helpful:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kVCSfJZK4_I&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkVCSfJZK4_I

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=v7VjggdFozs

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8812IbF8eyo&feature=relmfu

Abraham 30 day challenge: Tuesday was Day Eighteen

In You Can Heal Your Life, Louise L. Hay says that the probable cause for eczema is  "breathtaking antagonism or mental eruptions."

The accompanying affirmation, from her Hay House bestseller is, "Harmony and peace, love and joy surround me and indwell me. I am safe and secure."

For a few days I had been noticeing a blockage in my energy, but couldn't figure out what it was. I knew I had been being very perfectionistic and hard on myself ever since starting this 30 day challenge. But didn't connect the two.

"Suddenly" I got really bad skin. My face was practically a mask of eczema, and I was mortified! Knowing what I do about how my thoughts affect everything, I focused on being gentle and loving with myself.

I also started doing a daily mirror process, of sitting in front of my mirror for 3 minutes and smiling. In my head I repeat "'Seyi you are so beautiful, I love you." continuously for the three minutes. On the first evening, I cried while doing it.

This is one of the first processes I did when I began searching for my happiness. It really helped with my self image and healed the chronic BDD I had suffered from, as part of my codependency all my life. I cried every time I did it to begin with. After a few weeks, looking at myself grew easier, less unbearable with practice. Eventually I began to see my beauty.

I'll write more on that another time.

Tuesday (day eighteen) I was guided very clearly around my day.

I met with the guy from the agency Im offering codependency awareness workshops to in the morning, which went well but triggered even more perfectionsm. After another meeting at half one, I was guided to go to TKMaxx, which was not on my to-do list for the day. I had been up until 3 the night before writing ideas for the workshops. I just wanted to go to bed. 

But I went to TKMaxx, because I needed some face wash, even tho I haven't found any I like there recently. I listened, trusted and went. I love TKMaxx, they always have awesome organic natural toiletries.

After about 15 mins of searching through the toiletries I began feeling a disheartened, id found a nice set for my son, but not what I wanted. Just as I was about to get resentful toward my angels, I looked somewhere I hadn't before and found the most delicious olive oil L'Occitane face wash. Which is a very nice brand, one I've never seen in there before. I thanked my angels profusely and made my way to the till.

While waiting to pay, I saw a cute little bamboo face cloth. I love bamboo products, they are eco-friendly, and naturally anti- bacterial. I didn't think I had enough money for everything, but said a little prayer, and I had almost to the penny the amount I needed!

While I had been in TKMaxx, id been receiving guidance to go and see my sister. I was so tired, and all I wanted to do was go home and climb back into bed. But it was clear, and insistent, so I did as I was asked.

I left her house much later that day, eddified with cuddles and giggles with my nephew, and a huge tub of African Shea butter, that I promised to buy back, which will help my skin heal. This was even more evidence that the Universe was showing me where to go to get the help I had been asking for.

I have been using a constant mantra of reassurance that Im doing well, and everything is going to be ok, as well as slathering on the Shea butter at every opportunity. Today, just 2 days later, my skin is so much better. And more importantly, I am being much gentler on myself, and not pushing myself to achieve anything with regard to the workshops or this blog.

I felt that much of the love and validation I desired as a child was based on succeeding and achieving. That there was always an expectation that I should be able to do everything perfectly the first time I tried, and every time thereafter. This deep conditioning toward perfectionsm is something I am working on letting go of. It is soul destroying, and my inner child has gone into sabotage mode.

All I can do is soothe Princess 'Seyi, while I learn how to put less pressure on myself, and how to trust Im on the right track. Abraham really helps, as does the EFT I've been doing with Cathryn Taylor, and writing.

My happiness relies on combining the variety of ingredients I've collected, and picking out the right ones for each scenario that arises.

These Abraham videos helped me appreciate that I am actually  exactly where Im meant to be, and I am doing really well.

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=BPHdNU07hEo

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1LLexgn_s3g&feature=related

Inner child
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kVCSfJZK4_I&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkVCSfJZK4_I

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Sixteen

Last night I had a dream, and 111 is the only thing I remembered from it when I awoke in the morning. I was somewhat confused because I had a feeling that the dream had been very important, and there was something in it that I needed to know.

Lying in bed, trying recall anything else, was a futile exercise. Eventually I got up, and got on with my morning Abraham processes. During which time I remembered about how powerful numbers have always been for me. And that jerry Hicks also loved seeing number sequences.

Doreen Virtue, one of the leading Angel "whisperers," has a brilliant section about the meaning of sequential numbers on the site below, 111 means:
"Monitor your thoughts carefully, and be sure to only think about what you want, not what you don't want. This sequence is a sign that there is a gate of opportunity opening up, and your thoughts are manifesting into form at record speeds. The 111 is like the bright light of a flash bulb. It means the universe has just taken a snapshot of your thoughts and is manifesting them into form. Are you pleased with what thoughts the universe has captured? If not, correct your thoughts (ask your angels to help you with this if you have difficulty controlling or monitoring your thoughts)."

When I read the description I cried. Im very emotional at the moment - which is more evidence of this process working.

http://spiritlibrary.com/doreen-virtue/number-sequences-from-the-angels

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Fourteen

The title of today is: Humility.

This morning I was the furthest away from my vortex that I've been for a long time. Although I had slept well, and had been in my vortex when I got out of bed, because I was getting aware that I was getting some guidance to not do something I wanted to do, I shut myself off. Which is very old, and now, very uncomfortable Codependent behaviour.

I willfully went to the library to internet, as planned. It was snowing heavily, and I wanted to get to the shops before they sent the staff home.

I enjoyed the ten minute uphill walk there, and was overly warm by the time I arrived. My feet lovely and warm and dry, thanks to the plastic bags I had put on between two layers of socks.

While engrossed in some research for the codependency workshop programme Im developing, 2 people entered the library. A man and woman. The woman was moaning about someone, calling them Rat-face. And storming around telling anyone who would engage with her about some hard times she was experiencing.

She stormed past me, and I felt her anger. I felt quite uncomfortable and was worried she might take out her anger on me. She clearly had "mental health" issues. I did my best not to judge, and when she came to tell me her woes, I attempted to be positive and kept the conversation to a minimum. She was actually quite friendly, and all of her frustration was directed to the man she was with, and the person who had upset her.

When I left the library, I didn't think anything more of her (if I had been in a more connected state I would have been sending her love the moment she came in the door).

All the way home I really wanted to make a Snow Angel. You know? When you lie on the ground, arms and legs akimbo, and you move them like you're doing star jumps.  My inner child was begging me to, but I wasn't there.

Finally, on the grass verge, now a snow verge, around the corner from my house, I submitted. Throwing my bags down, and myself beside them I made a fabulous snow angel. And it was so much fun that I wanted to make a row of them but I didn't. One was enough.

As I sat up, my back covered with snow, the woman from the library was walking past. I had never seen her near this part of where I live before, nevertheless, there she was, smiling up at me on the verge. Saying "yep, that's the best exercise in this weather. Are you doing your exercise? Thats the best way to do it in this weather."

I got up, smiled, and went home.

Part of my daily practice is doing the Extreme Sweat programme on the wii Just Dance game. And I love it. When I was in my active addiction, I was a clubber. At the height of my acting out, I would go out to a nightclub at least 3 nights a week every week.

The motivation was partly because I was desperate to get attention from men, and hopefully meet my husband. But a big part was because I LOVE dancing. My inner child still wants to be a dancer when she grows up. And one of the manifestations we've been playing with in the vortex is that being on one of those dancing shows on TV.

When I used to go out dancing, id feel so happy. In the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people. Feeling the vibration of the music flowing through me.

I was home. I was so connected, I would have a spiritual experience every time I got on the dance floor. I thought the feeling was because of all the drugs and alcohol I had consumed.

I now know that the feeling of joy was my connection with God. I am a really good dancer. Because God dances through me, and with me. I have almost perfect rhythm without trying. I feel the music in my heart. When I dance I easily go in my vortex.

I recently realised that because of my perfectionsm, I have been being quite hard on myself when I don't get high scores on the game. So Im working on being gentle and loving with myself.

I feel the vortex throbbing in my heart for ages after I dance. It is my happy place. Its so much fun. When I dance, I feel whole.

What's yours?

Few Abe videos that I loved today:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=hK4azzAvuAY

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tlNmsRt7tx4

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=GzF7C0ZDwM4

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=v4iUs0BzXYs

Abraham 30 Day Challenge: Day Thirteen

Yesterday was a challenging, interesting, growing, manifesting day.

This morning I felt frustrated with  the challenge. Tired of working so hard at feeling better. However, when I don't try to find better feeling thoughts, because over the last fourteen days I have been working so hard to fine tune my awareness of where I am in relation to my vortex, the discomfort feels worse now than before. It feels like my resistance is ramping up. 

I have been beating myself up about this. Beating myself up because Im not doing it perfectly, because Im not in my vortex as much as id like, and because I keep wallowing and worrying.

I listened to this brilliant Abraham audio, which really helped:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=9HeALXyI44A

Yesterday was interesting and manifesting, because the night before I had affirmed that I am ready to step into the shoes of my True Self (True Seyi). I felt it. I had connected with Who I have become. Who I have expanded into Being. I connected, without prejudice or resistance, to my vortex.

Completely ready to take regular steps in the direction of my True Seyi. Yesterday I took some leaps. And do you know what? It was easy. And do you know what else? I was ready.

I feel excited, and I know that the workshops Im developing are going to help people. I received clear guidance that I have to offer them to women's correction facilities, amongst other places.

In the Abraham audio explaining this 30 day challenge, Abraham says that after a few days you'll begin to receive guidance on new ways to behave, and that it will be like the Universe is saying, "you've been thinking about doing this for a long time, let me show you where it is." and "you've been thinkin about this for a long time,let me show you where that is." This is exactly how it feels.

I have been wanting to do workshops about codependency and the processes I've used to change my life. Codependency is one of the worlds biggest, and most damaging, yet best kept secrets. 

I am eager to move forward with the commitments to my life I've made.

There is some debate about who first wrote this quote, but it sums up my new life intention:
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”

I love it.

Finally, yesterday was challenging because of my codependency. Wanting to control and have everything my way. Judging and projecting how terrible something will be. Negative fantasies about a situation that turned out to be a blessing.

This Abraham audio helped me recognise that I didn't attract the negative situation, I was facilitating the solution for the parties involved:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mo3HAxrgOGw

No matter what issue I encounter during this challenge, I come across a YouTube clip of Abraham that helps me feel at least a little bit better, and release a little bit of resistance.

Thanks Abe xxx 

Other clips that really helped me today:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=hK4azzAvuAY

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tlNmsRt7tx4

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=v4iUs0BzXYs

What is the Abraham Hicks 30 day challenge?

You may have read a few of the blog posts, and be wondering what the fork this 30 day challenge is that I keep referring to. Or you may not, you may have guessed, but Im gunna tell you anyway.

It is an awesome and fun way to commit to rekindling your relationship with your True Self, God, your vortex, whatever you call the Source Energy that flows through everything and everyone.

I found this YouTube clip of the 30 day challenge on 4th January 2013, and instantly knew it was what I needed to do:
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=37LgfWscfXU

Basically, the idea is that you withdraw your attention from reality, and instead place your attention on your vortex. Or finding Better Feeling Thoughts that will move you in the direction of your vortex.

For 30 the only thing that is important is how you feel.

For 30 days:
You don't watch tv
You do whatever it takes to feel better.
You remove as much of your connection with "what is" and place your focus on What Is in your vortex.
You speak only of what's in your vortex.
You buy a notebook and call it your Book of Positive Aspects write in it as much as you can.
When someone does something that you get upset by, instead of blaming or attacking them, you turn your attention to the vortex version of them that you just made even better by the contrast you observed.
You get so in love with what's in your vortex that you don't wanna place your attention anywhere else.

You are tuning yourself to Who you truly are.

You immediately cancel all your appointments for the next 30 days.

And then.

Now that you've made space for You.

You wait and see what happens.

When you get guidance to take action, you take it, immediately if possible. Or write it down SW you can do something with it later.

When the manifestations start flowing, document them.

When you feel or observe evidence that things you've been wanting for a long time are on the way document it.

Look, avidly, for positive aspects of everything you experience. Even if it seems challenging. I promise you, you will find a blessing.

And what happens, is amazing!

Before I knew about this "challenge," I had already been getting guidance to cancel my plans, and not make anymore. Having done as guided, I was and still am, available for whatever my True Seyi wants me to do.

I don't have tv connection anyway, so the not watching tv was done already. I do however have a television set, that I watch DVDs and videos on, and Im still figuring out which films I can actually watch that don't lower my vibrations.

There's not many.

I already only watch 12A and below as it is. But I have found that a lot of animated films, which I love watching, are actually quite low vibration.

Im learning that I don't have to it perfectly, I just need to do my best.

Since I set up this blog ages ago, I have done nothing with it, I thought now would be the perfect time to do so.

This is the journey of realignment with my True Self, who I am now lovingly calling my True 'Seyi. (Seyi being my human name).

I am documenting as much of the manifestations and evidence I experience/observe during this 30 day "challenge." Manifestations include thoughts, changes of behaviours, physical manifestations, and most importantly consistent emotional  improvements.

ACIM says that God doesn't know the difference in size between what we would call small or big miracles. All of them are equally important. And in my experience, the tiniest shift in perception, has often brought me the greatest serenity, and the biggest transformation. I'll write more about miracles (which is just another name for manifestations) another time. 

So now you know what Im doing, maybe you want to do it too. I would highly recommend it.

Its not been easy. But then, Abraham wouldn't have called it a challenge if it was gunna be a walk in the park (Take lots of those during your 30 days, nature is a fabulous vortex inducer).

If you are ready to be fine tuned into Who you have become, then do this challenge.

My target by the end of the 30 days, is to be finely attuned to my True 'Seyi.

I am excited to share this journey with you. Its gunna be a great ride.