I thought today was day 23, Im actually on day 22, and am in hardcore healing. Which, in reality, is realignment (rather than healing, because my True Self needs no healing) with my True 'Seyi, my natural state of Well-Being.
Exhausted from having looked after my baby nephew since yesterday evening. My youngest sister is moving house this weekend, so I offered to take care of the little one last night. I love him so much.
I have my Full Moonday tomorrow, so couldn't have him for the whole weekend, although i would have loved to. He is a truly delicious child, yet it is soooo nice to be able to give him back. Im not used to being continuously responsible for someone else anymore. Its tiring.
My children are 17 and almost 21 now. So I haven't had little ones in my care much for a long time. Apart from my six year old niece, whom I adore, but didn't take care of much when she was little.
Having to take care of siblings, and having too many none age appropriate responsibilities was a major contributer to my ensuing codependency. Thanks to the work I've done over the last 4 years, I releasing my desire to care-take and getting validation from being needed.
However, in putting my boundaries in place and not having baby Kiro for another night (even though I wasn't asked to) I felt guilty, as though I wasn't doing enough. I know this was just my codependency. And as my ex sponsor used to say:
I am one of many.
Tomorrow I shall focus especially on releasing the Codependent behaviour of putting others needs ahead of my own, and the dysfunctional belief that I won't be loved if I don't make myself unlimitedly available.
Because of this dysfunctional thinking adding to the exhaustion of looking after a 6 month old baba, today has been rather challenging. Added to which I have continued processing the childhood emotions that have been rearing up recently.
That being said, Im glad to report that Im back on track with the 30 day challenge. Things got pretty hairy for a while. A few tough and emotional days made me consider jacking in the challenge. Im glad I am so persevering.
I've listened to plenty of Abe, done some powerful Cathryn Taylor EFT sessions on the grieving process: anxiety and despair; continued with the general processes of this 30 day challenge and I have come through the other side, even more committed than before.
And when I get in it, I have really been milking my vortex for all it's worth.
After writing lots of lists of Positive Aspects, drinking Lot on water, and documenting the evidence of manifestations, I am feeling great. Excited about the transformation Im experiencing, and eager for the outcome at the end of the 30 days, whatever that may be the outcome.
I mostly write this on my phone, as I don't have the internet at home. Suddenly. About an hour ago, the phone stopped letting me write.
I get REALLY angry when things don't work. Especially technology.
I had a good bash (thumping something helps me release anger, I usually hit my bed or some pillows) at my bed, and cried. Then left it, without throwing my phone across the room this time, and got on with a some homecare tasks I wanted to do before I chillax on Moonday tomorrow.
When I finished, I washed my face, and did the 3 minute mirror process. While loving myself in the mirror, I went into my vortex. And basked in it for ages. Im still on the periphery as I write this.
When I realise Im in my vortex, I get to work: focusing on all the faboo stuff in there. I really feel my wealth, my perfect body, my relationships, my husband, my family as they are in my vortex. I observe everything through my Pollyanna vortex glasses. Lush.
I love this 30 day challenge. The feeling of relief of getting into it, is SO worth the contrast of when Im not in the vortex.
Its like coming home after a long cold day. The heating is on, and the sun is shining through the window. Someone you love comes and gives you a hug and a hot drink, then space to relax.
I love my vortex.
Moonday tomorrow. Sleep, meditation, letting go and fasting are the order of the day, maybe not in that order. And of course I shall update my lunar book, and read the new lunarscope from Rebekah Shaman.
Some videos I've enjoyed or that have helped:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xyD-KnlZPAk
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xyD-KnlZPAk#/watch?feature=related&v=SBOtj1RmaUE
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P_6aq-bJT58&feature=relmfu
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