The title of today is: Humility.
This morning I was the furthest away from my vortex that I've been for a long time. Although I had slept well, and had been in my vortex when I got out of bed, because I was getting aware that I was getting some guidance to not do something I wanted to do, I shut myself off. Which is very old, and now, very uncomfortable Codependent behaviour.
I willfully went to the library to internet, as planned. It was snowing heavily, and I wanted to get to the shops before they sent the staff home.
I enjoyed the ten minute uphill walk there, and was overly warm by the time I arrived. My feet lovely and warm and dry, thanks to the plastic bags I had put on between two layers of socks.
While engrossed in some research for the codependency workshop programme Im developing, 2 people entered the library. A man and woman. The woman was moaning about someone, calling them Rat-face. And storming around telling anyone who would engage with her about some hard times she was experiencing.
She stormed past me, and I felt her anger. I felt quite uncomfortable and was worried she might take out her anger on me. She clearly had "mental health" issues. I did my best not to judge, and when she came to tell me her woes, I attempted to be positive and kept the conversation to a minimum. She was actually quite friendly, and all of her frustration was directed to the man she was with, and the person who had upset her.
When I left the library, I didn't think anything more of her (if I had been in a more connected state I would have been sending her love the moment she came in the door).
All the way home I really wanted to make a Snow Angel. You know? When you lie on the ground, arms and legs akimbo, and you move them like you're doing star jumps. My inner child was begging me to, but I wasn't there.
Finally, on the grass verge, now a snow verge, around the corner from my house, I submitted. Throwing my bags down, and myself beside them I made a fabulous snow angel. And it was so much fun that I wanted to make a row of them but I didn't. One was enough.
As I sat up, my back covered with snow, the woman from the library was walking past. I had never seen her near this part of where I live before, nevertheless, there she was, smiling up at me on the verge. Saying "yep, that's the best exercise in this weather. Are you doing your exercise? Thats the best way to do it in this weather."
I got up, smiled, and went home.
Part of my daily practice is doing the Extreme Sweat programme on the wii Just Dance game. And I love it. When I was in my active addiction, I was a clubber. At the height of my acting out, I would go out to a nightclub at least 3 nights a week every week.
The motivation was partly because I was desperate to get attention from men, and hopefully meet my husband. But a big part was because I LOVE dancing. My inner child still wants to be a dancer when she grows up. And one of the manifestations we've been playing with in the vortex is that being on one of those dancing shows on TV.
When I used to go out dancing, id feel so happy. In the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by people. Feeling the vibration of the music flowing through me.
I was home. I was so connected, I would have a spiritual experience every time I got on the dance floor. I thought the feeling was because of all the drugs and alcohol I had consumed.
I now know that the feeling of joy was my connection with God. I am a really good dancer. Because God dances through me, and with me. I have almost perfect rhythm without trying. I feel the music in my heart. When I dance I easily go in my vortex.
I recently realised that because of my perfectionsm, I have been being quite hard on myself when I don't get high scores on the game. So Im working on being gentle and loving with myself.
I feel the vortex throbbing in my heart for ages after I dance. It is my happy place. Its so much fun. When I dance, I feel whole.
What's yours?
Few Abe videos that I loved today:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=relmfu&v=hK4azzAvuAY
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tlNmsRt7tx4
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=GzF7C0ZDwM4
http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=related&v=v4iUs0BzXYs
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